If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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