omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
there's paper in my vomit.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
