Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
