Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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