so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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