So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
