I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
