This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
