dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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