Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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