Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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