I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
