My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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