What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
