So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We don't watch enough power rangers
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
