Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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