My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
