I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I yelled at your uterus for you.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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