Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
