I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
There r osticjed everywhere
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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