My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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