can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
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