remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
look no pants
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize