Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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