How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She bit a glass in half.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
