I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
