i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
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