who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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