Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
