textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
