we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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