Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
This house was built for laser tag.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize