I met the friendliest cop last night
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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