so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
