please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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