dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
