remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
