Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
And then the night went full on bisexual.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize