somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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