i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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