Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
