but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I love you.
Bad choice
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