he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
