My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
