it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
