Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
