Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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