If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
