How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize