Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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