Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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