I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
