Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
