The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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