You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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