sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
