So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
