dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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