I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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