just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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