God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You're a disaster
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