he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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