were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
