I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
