Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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