Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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