i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
