Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
operation harelip BJ is a go
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
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