Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
