it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
