what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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