Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
