Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
