Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
