She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
