Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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