I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
