i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize