Umm I'm too high to move.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
