ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
