i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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