Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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