I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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