I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
