If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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