I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize