He uses pillows to masturbate.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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