I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
