Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
