I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
