people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
