the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
In America we eat man semen.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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