I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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