he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
