just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Is it penis luge time yet?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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