I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
