we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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