omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize