i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think I won the penis lottery.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
