the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
