I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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