All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
