i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
