thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
