I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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