I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
sarcasm needs its own font
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
