i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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