I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
