1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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