After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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