How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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