No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
