You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
