At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
