if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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