That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize