just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
