I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
