I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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