he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
