If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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