so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I will be naked everywhere
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
