I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
