***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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