Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
