DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize