porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Blood and glitter go together right?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
